That thing with the styrofoam really creases me – Ted Demme’s Beautiful Girls

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annabeth gish, beautiful girls, david arquette, grosse pointe blank, high school reunion, lauren holly, lolita, martha plimpton, matt dillon, max perlich, michael rapaport, mira sorvino, miramax, natalie portman, noah emmerich, richard bright, rosie 'odonnell, stay cool, stay cool forever, sweet caroline, ted demme, timothy hutton, uma thurman

I recently rewatched Ted Demme‘s (R.I.P.) Beautiful Girls as I mentally prepared myself for my 20-year high school reunion which is happening this weekend. Outside of Grosse Pointe Blank, I don’t think there is a better film that captures the angst and uncertainty about one’s life and what one has achieved up to a point in light of returning home to meet with old friends to celebrate times past, present and those that might occur in the future.

Willie Conway (Timothy Hutton), home to make a decision about life, a life decision if you will.

The story centers on Willie Conway (Timothy Hutton) who himself is returning home for his 10-year high school reunion to his family home in Knightsridge, Massachusetts. His father (Richard Bright) has yet to reconcile the death of his wife, spending his days in front of the TV watching golf and his brother Bobby (David Arquette) is as lost, doing nothing with his life that we can see. Willie is in the same boat, though. He is a piano player who plays for chump change in New York City. He is dating a lovely lawyer named Tracy (Annabeth Gish), but isn’t sure he wants to commit. So he comes home to think his life over, see his old friends and to try and find some perspective. Wrong move.

The high school gang: Tommy, Kev, Moe, Paul and Willie.

When he arrives in Knightsridge via Greyhound, his buddy Moe (Noah Emmerich) picks him up. Moe seems to have it all worked out – he got the wife, two kids, house and a great job. He sets the standard, the societal expectation, for what Willie and his friends were expected to become in the years since they left school. However, we quickly see this isn’t the case.

A beautiful girl is all powerful…and that’s as good as love.

His buddy Paul (Michael Rapaport) is the one who is most off his rocker. Having been dating his girlfriend Jan (Martha Plimpton) for seven years, he like many men, is afraid of commitment. So she does what any self-respecting woman should do in similar circumstances – dump his ass. He can’t get past this, not seeing the error of his ways. He is obsessed with models (he has a dog named Elle MacPherson) and thinks that only through a model that he can find true happiness. See for yourself:

Guy is looney tunes, but it’s likely the inspiration for the title of the film and it works for the character.

Tommy aka Birdman with girlfriend Sharon.

Tommy is just as fucked up as Paul. He has a girlfriend, Sharon (Mira Sorvino), but consistently cheats on her with his married ex-high school flame, Darian Smalls (Lauren Holly). Trying to relive the past when he and Darian were the hottest couple in school, he is slowly destroying Sharon, who has adopted an eating disorder as her way to keep Tommy around.

Kev and Willie.

That leaves us with Kev (Max Perlich), easily my favorite character in the film, albeit the one who has the least amount of screen time. If I had to be a character in this film, it would be him. Kev is the conscience of the group, balancing out the craziness of Paul, the sliminess of Tommy and the ambivalence of Willie.

Together these five guys represent a pretty wide spectrum of personalities and a group that many people can probably identify with having been a part of or knowing.

Marty, the girl next door/temptress.

So as Willie navigates these relationships and tries to glean what he can from them to help out in his own situation, he meets Marty (Natalie Portman), the 13-year old girl who lives next door. They strike up an instant rapport and throughout the film flirt, getting to know one another. Marty is the antidote to his group of friends – a level-headed, thought-provoking young lady who gives him much more clarity in the short talks they have than the weeks he spends with his friends. But she too has an agenda:

So Willie is left to figure out on his own what he wants from his life as Paul’s relationship falls apart, as Tommy tries to mend fences with Sharon and as Moe tries to keep his cool when Darian’s husband (Sam Robards) exacts revenge on Tommy for the years of fucking around with his wife. So even though the reason they are all together is the reunion, none of them ever make it. Their past which they are there to celebrate directly affects their present, making it impossible to embrace until those past indiscretions are rectified.

While all of this seems heavy, and there are heavy parts to this film, it is also very funny. Rosie O’Donnell delivers one of the all-time greatest monologues I’ve ever seen chastising Willie, Tommy and Paul for their (and all men’s) obsession with fake female beauty and their overall piggishness, which is confirmed time and again throughout this film. Check it out:

Uma Thurman‘s turn as Andera, a true beautiful girl, is also quite wonderful. She outduels the boys at every turn and shows the boys for what they really are…boys.

And who can forget the “Sweet Caroline” scene, right? Just a total classic moment and one of the great musical interludes in recent memory.

This is such a fun movie, one I truly love and one that is very pertinent to me at this time. I look forward to going home this weekend and reviving old friendships, reliving good times and making great new memories – something that these characters also do.

If you haven’t seen this one, do yourself a favor and check it out.

And I will say this, it ends on such a great interaction between Kev and Willie. I wish I could find a damn clip, but alas I can’t. The still below gives you the gist of the exchange, and I can’t explain why it hits me so hard, but it does.

“Stay cool. Stay cool forever.” Damn. Gets me every time.

Here’s the trailer:

To beer or not to beer, that is the question, eh – Bob & Doug MacKenzie’s Strange Brew

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angus macinnes, back bacon, bob mackenzie, dave thomas, doug mackenzie, elsinore, great white north, hamlet, hockey, horked, hosehead, hoser, ian thomas, ingmar bergman, jill frappier, loony bin, lynne griffin, max von sydow, mel blanc, mutants of 2051 ad, paul dooley, rick moranis, rose larose, sctv, steamroller, strange brew, take off, william shakespeare

“Take off, you hoser” quickly ushered its way into my lexicon after watching Rick Moranis and Dave Thomas‘ Strange Brew when I was a kid. I was taken in by the over the top Canadian-isms like the usage of “eh?” at the end of many sentences, the term “horked” in place of stealing, and multiple references to back bacon. I was getting culture and didn’t even know it. Little did I know in 1983 (at the age of 8) that this film was based on William Shakespeare‘s Hamlet. Talk about getting some undercover culture, eh?

Strange Brew is also based on the characters from Moranis and Thomas Great White North skits from SCTV.The skits were mostly improvised, really intoxicated and were used to fill the two minutes that Canadian channels had, but US stations didn’t have because of commercials/syndication. Here’s one:

So, what happens when you add these two slackers to a classic Shakespearian tragedy? Hilarity, unbridled hilarity.

This movie was shot in 3B: three beers and it looks good.

The movie opens about as oddly as a movie can, aside from this, which is fucking awesome:

After this, the movie starts out like one of their skits from SCTV and then shows that what we’re seeing is a film within a film. We eventually transition to the world of Bob & Doug when the film reel breaks and we are taken inside the movie theater where the film (The Mutants of 2051 AD) is playing. When one patron remarks that the material has been featured on a previous album, several revolt causing Bob & Doug, who are actually in the theater, to use one of the tricks they had just spoken about on-screen, using moths to sabotage a terrible movie:

So after Bob & Doug escape the theater, we get the real sense of their lives: they live with their mother and father (who is voiced by cartoon God Mel Blanc), have no jobs, eat donuts (is this a Canadian thing as well) and drink beer all day. But didn’t they just come from their own movie premiere? But that doesn’t matter. That’s all scenery. When the boys grab the last three beers in the fridge, they each drink one, but then give the last one to their dog, Hosehead. When their father yells that they better save one for him, they chug those that they have then pour the remains of Hosehead’s into a glass, complete with the remnant of the food that was in his dog bowl in one of the most disgusting images I’ve ever seen in a movie.

When neither one will give the beer to their father, they drop the glass breaking it. Their father tells them to go get more beer, but they can’t because Bob gave the money to a father and two kids who’d been saving their allowance to see The Mutants of 2051 AD. So now they have to figure out how to get beer when they have no money. This is what happens:

So when they go to the Elsinore brewery (Elsinore is the castle in which Hamlet, his mother and stepfather/uncle live), the chain of events unfolds for the rest of the film following the basic storyline of Hamlet. Pamela Elsinore (Lynne Griffin) playing the Hamlet role,  is set to inherit the Elsinore brewery under protestation from her uncle Claude (Paul Dooley) and her mother Gertrude (Jill Frappier). Claude has been working with Dr. B.M. Smith (Ingmar Bergman regular and cinematic heavyweight Max von Sydow), resident head of psychiatry at the Royal Canadian Institute for Mentally Insane and brewmeister at the brewery have been working on a plan to control the worlf by putting mind control drugs in their beer. If Pamela takes over, Smith and Claude will be ousted from their jobs an unable to complete their task. Bob and Doug, playing the Rosencrantz and Guildenstern roles, with help from former stud hockey player Jean LaRose (Angus MacInnes) and their wonderdog Hosehead, are able to thwart the plans of Smith and Claude and restore order to their world.

Take off or I’m going to do the steamroller…

This movie really has it all, including maybe the best brother relationship ever committed to film. Even though they annoy the shit out of each other frequently leading to fights and squabbles, the MacKenzie Brothers always have each other’s back. And even in the face of danger and commitment to the Loony Bin (a phrase I picked up watching this movie and one I still use to this day), they still have fun:

And without a doubt, they have my all-time favorite dog in cinema – Hosehead. Why do you ask? Here’s one reason:

And perhaps the best reason:

How many dogs do you know that can surreptitiously drop evidence on a cop from a roof and then slink away, rolling across said roof like a ninja? That’s right…none. Hosehead for President.

And what would a movie from Canada about Canada be without hockey, right? Well, this one’s got that, too. And not only do they have hockey, they have hockey with LUNATICS!

This is still one of the most fun movies I’ve ever seen and still is able to bring the laughs. While the MacKenzie Brothers have been long gone, we will always have this film to remember them. And like the few other 80s classics I’ve written about lately, Strange Brew has a great theme song by Ian Thomas. Like I said, this one’s got it all.

Here’s the trailer:

World War Z – One Sentence Review (possible spoilers)

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blockbuster, brad pitt, cardiff, electromagnetic pulse, fana mokoena, henry cavill, jerusalem, marc forster, mireille enos, moritz bleibtreu, nuclear bomb, peter capaldi, pierfrancesco favino, ruth negga, summer, u.n., united nations, wales, world war z. zombies

An enjoyable summer blockbuster with almost immediate action, but one (as is usual) with many flaws, chief among them: Brad Pitt‘s one dimensional (like all of the characters) role as best father in the world/best UN investigator ever/world savior/Superman (move over Henry Cavill), the long walk with a footlong metal shard through the side, the lack of the electromagnetic pulse from the nuclear bomb downing the plane on its way to Jerusalem, the zombie on the plane (how the fuck did that get there? seriously…) and the fact that the door for the skyway in the W.H.O. building is the only door on the planet the zombies can’t seem to get through.

Here’s the trailer:

I Drank What? – A quick note on Martha Coolidge’s Real Genius

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amazon prime, bachelorparty, better off dead, brainiac, chaz jenkel, chris knight, comsat angels, crossbow project, did you suddenly find humor, django unchained, doc holliday, dr. jerome hathaway, everybody wants to rule the world, gabriel jarret, hot and hungry, how's it feel to be frozen, i drank what, i'm falling, ice is nice, in the immortal words of socrates, jon gries, kent, lazlo hollyfeld, madame curie look-alike contest, manhattan project, martha coolidge, mitch taylor, moles and trolls, mutant hamster races, neal israel, number one, pacific tech, pat proft, peter torokvei, police academy, real genius, rick ross, robert prescott, steam tunnels, strategic defense initiative, tears for fears, that's what you get for not having an education, tom hanks, tombstone, top gun, top secret!, uncle rico, up the voltage, val kilmer, war games, william atherton, you'e laborers you're supposed to be laboring, zucker brothers

When most people think of Val Kilmer‘s greatest performance, they usually default to his portrayal of of Doc Holliday in the uneven Tombstone. Don’t get me wrong, his performance as the gunslinger is impressive, but to me he has never been and never will be finer than he was as Chris Knight in Martha Coolidge‘s incredibly humorous and wonderful Real Genius.

I didn’t want you guys to think I was stuffy, you know, no fun. All brain, no penis: Chris Knight (Val Kilmer)

Real Genius is centered at Pacific Tech (loosely based on CalTech, methinks) where under the direction of Dr. Jerry Hathaway (William Atherton), geniuses hone their skills, bringing fortune on both them and Dr. Hathaway. The narrative focuses mostly on two characters: Knight, resident brainiac who is about to graduate, and his new protégé, Mitch Taylor (Gabriel Jarret), who happens to be a 15-year old and the first student ever admitted to Pacific Tech for the mid-Winter term.

Hathaway (far right) with Mitch (far left) and his parents. Is Mitch by any chance adopted?

Why was Mitch admitted to the university early, you ask? Well, it seems Dr. Hathaway is working in league with the military on a top secret project, one which employs a high-powered laser to vaporize single targets/people from outer space. Of course, the students aren’t privy to what Hathaway has been up to. When the military decides they need the project complete in 4 months, not 18, Hathaway brings in Mitch, his ace in the hole.

How’s it feel to be frozen? Yeah!

Knight doesn’t act like what most would expect from a genius. He is insubordinate, he is wild and all-together unpredictable. He and Mitch couldn’t be more opposite. A perfect example:

So it takes a while for them finally find a good footing, but they do and for the most part prosper. Like any good 80s movie, one villain isn’t enough. Not only do they have to deal with Hathaway, but also his toadie, Kent (Robert Prescott), who is jealous that Knight and Mitch get all of Hathaway’s attention despite the fact the he has done everything Hathaway has ever asked him to do. He’s the typical brown-nosing asshole that we all hated when we were in school.

I guess it goes from God to Jerry to you to the cleaners, right Kent?

In keeping with a certain weirdness that crept over 80s teen comedies (a la Better Off Dead), this film wouldn’t be complete without the crazy genius recluse who lives in a closet, right? And that would be Lazlo Hollyfeld (Jon Gries), the gentle-souled former BMOC from Pacific Tech, who went underground after finding out that a product he invented was killing people. He also lives in Mitch and Chris’ closet. But never fear, he’s not some nut – he ends up being the last cog in the wheel that helps set everything straight in the end. Because that always happens.

Did you wanna borrow my pajamas?

When Kent sabotages the project finally tipping Knight over the edge, he has an epiphany and is able to solve the problem with the laser:

When Hollyfeld finds Knight, Mitch and their merry band of misfit geniuses including Jordan (Michelle Meyrink) and Ick (Mark Kamiyama) celebrating, and tells them what they’ve done, they band together to stop the military from testing the weapon all while exacting revenge on Kent and Hathaway.

Despite being every bit an 80s film, Real Genius was strangely prophetic. When strategic defenseyou look at the Crossbow Project, which is the weapon that the guys build, it is basically a different version of the now famous and widely reviled drone program employed by our government and military. The Crossbow was undoubtedly born out of of Ronald Reagan‘s delusional Strategic Defense Initiative (SDI) unveiled in 1983. So go figure, right?

This is one movie that I truly believe still stands tall given its age. The humor is as fresh and biting as when this film was released nearly 30 years ago (for the most part). Val Kilmer had just come off of a strong comedic performance in the Zucker Bros.’ Top Secret! and really shines in this film. From his delivery:

to his reactions:

to the offbeat:

…it’s just a a top notch performance. It’s a real shame he abandoned the more comedic roles and instead went for fare like Top Gun. Literally broke my heart when he was in that one.

And how can we ever forget probably the best line in the entire film delivered by Dr. Hathaway?:

PRICELESS and applicable on so many occasions in real life.

And like all 80s movies, the soundtrack is very important contributing immensely to the film. The usage of Tears for Fears’ “Everybody Wants to Rule the World” over the ending and credits is an absolutely perfect complement to the premise and the actions of Dr. Hathaway and the US government. Add to that the two incredible montages set to “I’m Falling” by The Comsat Angels and “Number One” by Chaz Jenkel and you have yet another example of the effective use of music to convey the feelings of the characters and add to the story. I just think that 80s movies had a better grasp of this concept. There was no equivalent of Rick Ross playing over a western like in Django Unchained and for the better.

While there are mediocre performances (Mitch?), the whole of the film is strong. Getting a rare glimpse inside the world of the young genius is quite fun and this film is positioned differently than other films like it from the same time, i.e. War Games and The Manhattan Project. While the pall of the Cold War is cast over the three of them, only Real Genius is able to make light of the situation and really empower the kids in the film. I tribute that to a great script from Neal Israel and Pat Proft (who co-wrote Tom Hanks’ Bachelor Party and Police Academy) and Peter Torokvei with really adept direction by Martha Coolidge. A winner on really every level. If you haven’t caught this one, do so at your leisure. If you have an Amazon Prime membership, it streams for free. It’s one that is not to be missed.

And much like Better Off Dead, this film remains one of the most quotable out there.

Here’s the trailer:

Language Lessons – A Quick Note on Savage Steve Holland’s Better Off Dead

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aaron dozier, amanda wyss, arrested by you, badger, better off dead, camaro, charles de mar, curtis armstrong, dan schneider, david ogden stiers, demian slade, diane franklin, elizabeth daily, everybody wants some, high fidelity, how to pick smutty women, howard cosell, howard jones, i want my 2 dollars, john cusack, kim darby, lane meyer, laura waterbury, lloyd dobler, one way love, pee wee's big adventure, roy stalin, rupert hine, savage steve holland, say anything, scooter stevens, taylor negron, van halen

It’s hard to describe Better Off Dead to someone who didn’t grow up in the 80s and make it sound watchable. It sounds weird and depressing, which in many ways it is and it certainly was when it was released in 1985. But the endearing humor that is infused throughout and the performance of John Cusack, who I happily think tucked himself into the memories of the youth at the time as the archetypical “good guy” in movies. This is a role he played until his unfortunate decline after what I believe to be his last great film, High Fidelity. But we can save that discussion for another time. As for now, let’s concentrate our efforts on the task at hand…

Better Off Dead tells the tale of one Lane Meyer (John Cusack), a high school student who couldn’t be more in love with his girlfriend Beth (Amanda Wyss). One need look no further than this picture:

Obsessed much?

To Lane, Beth is everything, so when she dumps him for the new kid in school who takes Lane’s spot on the ski team, the prickish and evil Roy Stalin (Aaron Dozier), Lane literally doesn’t know what else to do except kill himself. He feels that, yes, he would be better off dead than to live without her (cue Elizabeth Daily). So Lane comes up with several different methods of killing himself throughout the movie as his life spirals into deeper and deeper into depression.

Sounds like a fun movie, right? Well, it actually is. Each time Lane is about to take his own life, he thinks better of it and doesn’t commit that act. However, each time something inadvertently occurs that causes him to nearly die through no fault of his own. See what happens when Lane prepares to douse himself with some primer and light himself on fire:

Along the way, Lane is constantly encouraged to keep on going (“buck up, little camper!”) by his only friend and the town’s residential drug lover, Charles De Mar (played so perfectly by Curtis Armstrong).  Quick to offer words of solace while vacuuming anything he can up his nose, Charles’ wisdom might be the only thing that keeps Lane going. He is without a doubt the finest part of the movie. Here’s a little sample of why:

Lane is a complete chicken shit in his “efforts” to win Beth back and they really never get off the ground. That is until he meets Monique (Diane Franklin), the French exchange student who lives with his gross neighbor Ricky Smith (Dan Schneider) and his mother (Laura Waterbury).

Well hog my hooter! You do speak English!

She works with Lane on ways to get Beth back in his good graces – fixing up his Camaro, teaching him how to ski better so he can beat Stalin in a race down the feared K-12 mountain and in general how to be confident. However, as might be foreseen, Lane finally finds the one thing that will help him get over Beth…and this is Monique. After that the only thing he’s interested in is language lessons.

The scenery around this Lane’s narrative is what really gives this film life and color. From Taylor Negron‘s slacker ass mailman:

to the Dr. Frankenstein/Hamburger/Everybody Wants Some scene:

to the absurdity of the paperboy Johnny Gasparini’s (Demian Slade) quest to collect his $2:

to the two Asian brothers who race Lane Meyer, one who speaks no English and the other who speaks only Howard Cosell (a reference likely lost on many of today’s youth):

this is one of the strangest movies about teenagers maybe ever made. And that it ever got made is all the more perplexing. If this were pitched today, no way anyone takes a chance on it. This movie is pure 80s gold with a killer soundtrack that features Howard Jones, Rupert Hine, and the aforementioned Elizabeth Daily (Dottie from Pee Wee’s Big Adventure) prominently. And I will say that the usage of Rupert Hine‘s “Arrested By You” is one of the most underrated in 80s cinema, perfectly contextualized, matching the tone of the scene that it plays over. When Meyer breaks out his sax, we clearly see this is the precursor to Lloyd Dobler and his boombox from Say Anything and really the beginning of building the persona he was known for before Cusack started appearing in ridiculous action and horror flicks.

Now, go kick eez ass…

Better Off Dead still remains one of the most fun movies from when I was a kid. I still relish seeing Roy Stalin get his just desserts. I love watching Lane’s weird ass family as well as seeing him bloom from the meek loner to the guy who gets the girl in the end. It’s just a fantastically bizarre trip with a quality payoff.

So if you haven’t seen, get there. Some of the jokes and gags don’t necessarily translate well to today, but the film has an incredible sense of humor and a real heart, which is rare these days.

UPDATE: Better Off Dead recently celebrated its 30th Anniversary. The characters in this film have my co-pilots for so long, it’s hard to remember what it was like before Savage Steve Holland pulled them from the depths of his demented brain. This film is still a treat after 30 years and I don’t doubt that it will continue to be for the next 30. Happy belated birthday, Better Off Dead!

Here’s the trailer:

Bachelorette – One Sentence Review

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adam scott, bachelorette, isla fisher, james marsden, kirsten dunst, lizzy caplan, party down, rebel wilson

What looked to be a darker turn on last year’s hit comedy Bridesmaids, Bachelorette fell flat rife with cliches, overacting and few, if any, redeemable characters and was a film that couldn’t even be saved by the reunion of Lizzy Caplan and Adam Scott reminiscent of their days on Party Down.

Here’s the trailer:

Hey you guuuuyyyyss! – The Goonies still resonates after all these years

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andy, anne ramsey, beaver cleaver, brand, charlie sheen, chris columbus, chunk, corey feldman, cyndi lauper, data, don't break the team, eddie haskell, fratellis, goon docks, goonies r good enough, gremlins, harry potter, home alone, jeff cohen, joe pantoliano, john matuszak, josh brolin, ke huy quan, kerri green, lethal weapon, martha plimpton, mikey, mouth, one-eyed willie, richard donner, robert davi, rocky road, sean aston, sloth, stef, steven spielberg, superman, the goonies, treasure, truffle shuffle, winning

This past weekend I introduced my two sons, ages 6 and 8, to The Goonies for the first time. This was a pretty big moment for me as it is one of my all-time favorite movies and I wanted them to love it as much as I did when I saw it 28 years ago. It’s no surprise that they did and I had hoped that their love of the movie was for the same reasons that I loved it and still love it. Funny enough, when I queried them about it, here were five of their responses:

1) There was a gun in it and Francis Fratelli got bitten in the junk with Data’s “pinchers of power.”

To explain – my wife and I try to keep exposure to violence and the mechanisms of violence at a minimum so anytime a gun makes an appearance, the boys love it if for nothing other than to piss us off. They learn that trick quite early. And since my sons are boys, anything having to do with private parts is funny. Very funny, in fact. Sadly, this is one thing that doesn’t really change as you get older.

2) Chunk is funny. Data has cool inventions.

Yes he is, although I have been asked to do the Truffle Shuffle more times than I ever hoped to be asked. This is why I was at the gym at 9:30 p.m. last night.

Can’t wait for the crazy ass inventions I come home to while the kids are on summer break. No doubt the bulk of them will be made in some effort to bring pain to my person.

3) Sloth is cool. Can he live with us?

Sure. As long as he brings the Rocky Road.

4) The water slide looked fun and they wished they could ride on it.

My youngest refused to ride the water slide at the public pool by himself just yesterday. Sigh.

5) They could use all that treasure to buy all of the stuffed animals, Angry Birds, Just Dance video games and candy they want. Oh, and their own laptops so they watch YouTube videos of Annoying Orange.

Fair enough. Hard to argue with that.

So, not quite what I was hoping, but I have high hopes that their impressions and takeaways from the film will evolve over time. With that said, here are my impressions 28 years later and five reasons why I think this film still endures (with  five badass posters to boot):

The Goonies is a movie that you can’t help but to love because it appeals to the very essence of what youth is all about – anything in your wildest dreams is possible. It should be no surprise to anyone when I say I’m not the biggest Steven Spielberg fan. However, his participation in this project is one the few saving graces of his career, in my opinion. It suits him when he taps into his more nostalgic side.  His films are more successful in my book when he does this. Take the first three Indiana Jones as a good example (despite George Lucas‘ involvement). The absence of his played-out “father-figure” is one of the films strengths. That it was directed by high-octane action director Richard Donner (first two Christopher Reeve Superman movies and the entire Lethal Weapon franchise) was an interesting choice, and a successful one, surprisingly. And with Chris Columbus, the man who wrote Gremlins (and would later direct the first two Home Alone and Harry Potter films) writing the script, its pedigree was good to start. So here we go…

5) Kids can get shit done without their pesky ass parents getting in the way

That which cure the ills of the residents of the Goon Docks.

We all remember being kids and not getting to do something because we weren’t “old enough,” right? As if when a certain age hits, you are freed of the bonds of whatever was keeping you from a certain task or experience because of that age. So, in the context of this film, Mikey’s dad staying up to all hours trying to figure out a way for them and the other families living in the Goon Docks to remain in the face of foreclosure showed no results. It was the kids on this crazy ass adventure utilizing material that was already at the hands of the adults who overlooked it that saved the day. What is a more satisfying way to say “fuck you” (relatively speaking) to people who keep you from doing things just because of your age? Suck it, parents. That the kids were able to stick it to rich assholes in the same process is a double win.

4) Being a little brother sometimes is cooler than being the older one

Mikey (Sean Astin) is the driver of the story. It’s his decision, along with friends Mouth (pre-heroin Corey Feldman), Data (Ke Huy Quan) and Chunk (Jeff Cohen), that sets the whole series of events of the film in order. Despite being an asthmatic, Mikey frequently bests his more able-bodied, albeit screw-up of a big brother, Brandon (Josh Brolin), a win for all little brothers out there.

Brandon’s got no time for little kid shenanigans, thus they get the side-eye.

I have an older brother with whom I’ve always had a fantastic relationship never having but minimal problems with him throughout our lives. I suspect I’m in the minority there. However, that the little brother wins in this film never escaped me because it was always a pleasure to defeat the Golden Boy of our family when I did. No doubt he would say something about the rare occasion that it actually happened. Sure Brandon gets the girl in the end, but Mikey smooched her first AND found the treasure. To quote Charlie Sheen – WINNING.

3) The kids in this movie act like real kids and are relatable

You idiot, that’s my mom’s favorite part!

One of the things I had to watch with this movie was the fair amount of swearing in this movie. While my children have been subjected to these words before, usually when my crotchety ass father is around or when I’m driving, hearing other kids relatively close in age to them is different. But in this movie, the filmmakers didn’t give us the standard white-washed, idealized Disney version of childhood where kids talk and act more like Beaver Cleaver, submissive and obedient, than Chunk Or Mouth. The kids in this movie speak like kids did when I was growing up, especially when out of earshot of their parents. That they disobey and are skeptical of as well as speak in ways that mimic their parents rings is honest, even to a 10-year old watching in a theater in 1985.

Another key to these kids is that they very relatable in the sense that it’s likely that we had similar examples in our own friend groups as kids. There were certainly cheeky kids who resembled Mouth in their own Eddie Haskell-ish ways – sweet to our moms, but loudmouth troublemakers.

Mrs. Walsh, I speak perfect Spanish and if it’s any help to you, I’d be glad to communicate with Rosalita.

Everyone knew the pathological liar, perhaps even keeping them around to see what sheer nonsense they would make up next. And we all had friends with crazy ass ideas and the ability to get us all in trouble. These archetypes are fairly universal and the filmmakers employed them with great execution.

2) Friendship trumps all

As a kid, the one thing that is more important than anything else outside of your parents is your friends. They give you affirmation that you belong to something, a group, and give you some sort of identity. They are your sounding boards, your shoulders to cry on, your hecklers, your champions. In short, they are a separate, but equal family. I know this was and is the case for me still. And The Goonies represent this to the fullest. All of them are in the same situation – facing foreclosure and the threat that they will all be separated. So what do they do? One last adventure together, one last chance to stick their necks out for one another, laying it all on the line in the hopes that they can somehow make it so this assumed separation will not happen by getting each others’ backs.

The whole gang, still together after their battle with The Fratellis and meeting One-Eyed Willie.

My friends and I had a series of Cardinal Rules and the overarching rule that superseded all was Don’t Break the Team, meaning never sell out your friends. Pretty solid lesson to learn as a kid, methinks. The Goonies has this in spades.

1) Promise of adventure

Perhaps this is the one thing that we lose as we transition into adulthood and settle into the humdrum of our professional and family lives. Growing more content with our bevy of technology making everyday tasks easier by the day, we don’t capitalize on our newly acquired time. We instead are content to keep our eyes pasted to the multitude of screens that surround us, mostly our smartphones. This movie really captures the lifeblood that is youth – each day brings a new adventure and it reminds us to perhaps exploit that as much as we can.

Do you think there’s rich stuff for us?

I put watching this film with my boys very high on my list of my favorite film-related experiences of all-time, because I literally felt I was sharing my childhood with them and they embraced it. Now we have that in common. I could see in them the same excitement that I had in watching The Goonies when it first came out. What’s more exciting to kids like mine at their age than looking for and finding pirate treasure? In fact, what more exciting to adults like me than finding pirate treasure? Not really anything. So it’s no wonder that this film still has relevance 28 years after it was released and will likely continue to do so for years to come. This is the wonderful thing about film – how the story and themes contained within a short 1-3 hour window can literally transcend time and era.

Goonies 25th Reunion

For you unfortunate souls who have never seen this classic, here’s the trailer:

And let’s not forget the awesome Cyndi Lauper video for the theme song:

Epic – One Sentence Review

Tags

amanda seyfried, aziz ansari, beyonce, blue sky studios, boggans, chris o'dowd, christoph waltz, colin farrell, epic, fox animation, josh hutcherson, the leaf men and the brave good bugs, william joyce

Fox Animation/Blue Sky’s Epic (an adaptation of William Joyce‘s The Leaf Men and The Brave Good Bugs) takes a page out of Disney’s oft-used book by killing off a mother figure at the beginning of the film but gives us some great battle sequences (my two sons loved these parts) between those who protect the forest and those who want to destroy it as well as some comedic relief in the form of a snail (voiced by Chris O’Dowd) and a slug (voiced by Aziz Ansari).

Here’s the trailer: