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avalanche-sharksSweet fucking jumped up Jesus. I blame you Syfy Channel. I blame you for this nonsense. First Steve Sanders fighting urban and desert sharks, now we get sharks in the snow? I guess it was an inevitable progression, but did it have to happen so fast? I can’t wait for the next line of shark films, the first being Toilet Sharks and then Randal from Clerks masterpiece, Salsa Shark.

I, um....there just aren't words for this level of stupidity.

I, um….there just aren’t words for this level of stupidity.

An open question to the “actors” in this film: At what point do you look at yourself in the mirror and say to yourself, “I’m going to star in Avalanche Sharks. This is going to send my career into the stratosphere” ? My guess is never. How bad do you want to be in a movie to appear in something as woeful looking as this? Is this what happens when your parents don’t show you enough love (as I cuddle my two sons extra tight)?

Here is the official synopsis:

After a horrific avalanche, the staff at Twin Pines Ski Resort starts to receive reports of missing people and creatures that move beneath the snow. As the body count piles up, the management tries to cover up the situation, which leads to disaster on their busiest day of the year: Bikini Snow Day.

On second thought, this shitbird of a movie might actually be kind of fun to watch.

Here is the trailer to this trashterpiece:

P.S. I seriously think that my 6-year old son could create better CGI than the sharks in the trailer.