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Category Archives: Rants

So…the new trailer for the 2015 version of Vacation is out. HOLY SHIT this is going to be awful.

08 Friday May 2015

Posted by harmonov in Rants, Shit Sandwich

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

anthony michael hall, beverly d'angelo, chevy chase, chirstmas vacation, christina applegate, dana barron, ed helms, european vacation, freaks & geeks, john francis daley, john hughes, leslie mann, shitter's full, vacation, vegas vacation, wally world

vacation 2015

So, in the infinite wisdom of Hollywood executives, someone decided to do another version of Vacation telling the story from Rusty’s point of view as he takes his wife and kids to Wally World 30 years later. Jesus Christ, really? The first rule of filmmaking should be, “Don’t touch anything that John Hughes wrote or directed.” European Vacation (even though Hughes wrote it) and Vegas Vacation were fucking tragedies. Christmas Vacation had about three parts that were funny (Shitter’s full!) but as a whole was incredibly uneven. So why do this? It can’t even compare to the first one which is a stone cold classic.

I don’t think Anthony Michael Hall is having anything to do with this nor is the original Audrey Dana Barron. Clearly a fat Chevy Chase needs the $$$ and that’s why he’s involved.

This movie is just a bad idea all the way around. Good to see that the folks in LA are really focusing on original, interesting material. I blame John Francis Daley most of all here. I loved his work in Freaks & Geeks, but give me a damn break. One original script and a sequel to it and this is how he repays the film going community? SIGH.

Here’s the red band trailer if you want to subject yourself to it:

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Remakes? We don’t need no stinking remakes! Blazing Saddles is being remade…as an animated film. SIGH.

06 Friday Feb 2015

Posted by harmonov in Rants, Remakes, Shit Sandwich

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

alvin and the chipmunks, animated, balzing samurai, blazing saddles, chris bailey, clevon little, how to train your dragon, kung fu panda, mark koetsier, mel brooks, remake

blazing saddles - poster

So, in another genius move by Hollywood, the Mel Brooks classic Blazing Saddles is getting remade…as a fucking animated film about cats and dogs called Blazing Samurai. SIGH. How can this even happen? What is Brooks thinking allowing this? Blazing Saddles is one of the funniest movies of the 70s and the best western comedy ever. Example:

How the hell is the guy who animated the first two Alvin and the Chipmunks movies (Chris Bailey) and a story artist on Kung Fu Panda and How to Train Your Dragon (Mark Koetsier) going to do justice to the humor and quality of the original while making it a family friendly animated film? The whole point of the original was that it wasn’t family friendly.

And if this new film doesn’t reprise this scene:

the filmmaker clearly don’t know kids’ humor very well.

Fuck it. End rant.

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Another Year, Another Fucking Mess By the Academy

20 Tuesday Jan 2015

Posted by harmonov in Awards, Rants

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

a most violent year, academy awards, academy of motion picture arts and sciences, american hustle, american sniper, amy adams, atticus finch, ava duvernay, bennett miller, big eyes, bill corso, bradley cooper, brendan gleeson, cake, calvary, clint eastwood, dan futterman, dardenne brothers, david fincher, dennis liddiard, e. max frye, edith piaf, foxcatcher, gone girl, grand budapest hotel, how to train your dragon 2, inherent vice, jean-luc godard goodbye to language, jennifer aniston, jennifer lawrence, jenny slate, jessica chastain, john boorman, kathryn bigelow, la vie en rose, laura dern, lego movie, life is beautiful, male, marion cotillard, mark ruffalo, martin cahill, obvious child, paul thomas anderson, roberto benigni, selma, social network, steve carell, the general, the help, trent reznor, two days one night, white, zero dark thirty

81st Academy Awards¨ Press Kit ImagesLast week, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences blessed us with their annual masturbatory list of what their (old and white) membership thought were the best films, performances, and technical achievements of the year. In typical form,  they got it wrong and in many cases VERY wrong. Of course, they got it right in some places, too. But, as usual, the missteps fair outweighed what they got right.

So let’s get into it…

Screw Jobs

selma_ava_duvernayAva Duvernay getting screwed a la Katrhyn Bigelow for Best Director for Selma. Now, I’m in the same position as I was with Zero Dark Thirty not having access to the film yet. I will be getting a screener soon as I’m voting in the Independent Spirit Awards, so I will be able to pass full judgment then on the merits of the film. However, this is a film that has been so universally praised that it is hard to figure how Ms. Duvernay was passed over except that she is an African-American woman, one of whom has never been nominated in this category. That the membership of the academy is overwhelmingly white (93%) and male (76%) makes this hard to dismiss.

lego movie posterThe Lego Movie not getting any nominations except for that annoying ass song is really sad. This is a film that appeared on a lot of Best of 2014 lists…for the whole year, not just for animation. That is was passed over is incredibly curious. It, like Selma, above has been universally praised as well. Perhaps the Golden Globes actually predicted this when How to Train Your Dragon 2 stole the award away on Sunday night. I’m frankly baffled by all of it.

obvious child - jenny slate

Jenny Slate being passed over for a Best Actress nom in Obvious Child might perhaps be the biggest error of all. She brought such life to her character, Donna Stern, and was able to tackle one of the most polarizing topics in America today (abortion) with grace and wit. So, it’s no wonder that the largely male population of the Academy dismissed the film and her performance. Shame on you, Academy.

gone girl posterGone Girl getting NO love. I was surprised at how much I liked this one. I didn’t read the book, because why do that when you can see the movie, right? The script by Gillian Flynn, who wrote the novel, was solid and David Fincher is always on point (unless he does an Alien film). Trent Reznor and Atticus Finch‘s score was just as good as the one they won for for The Social Network. So what missed here? HUGELY popular novel, great cast, great performance, a director at the top of his game…I don’t understand. After seeing American Sniper, I honestly can’t understand how it having such a terribly sentimental and hokey script, one that literally made me laugh out loud several times because of its ridiculousness, was able to secure a nomination over Gone Girl.

The Moet & Chandon Lounge at The Santa Barbara International Film Festival - Day 8Paul Thomas Anderson not getting a nom for his direction in the wildly awesome Inherent Vice. Arguably the finest director working today (he has had ZERO misses in his oeuvre), it’s hard to process this one. While not the most easy film to connect with, Anderson’s abilities are on full display and from a technical sense, this should be all one needs in a film. I guess if this is that case, perhaps Jean-Luc Godard should have also gotten a nomination for his 3D masterpiece (from what I’ve heard) Goodbye to Language.

calvary - gleeson

And lastly, I would like to point out that once again, Brendan Gleeson delivered one of the finest performances of the year in Calvary and was overlooked. Smaller and foreign films are so often passed over for these awards, and I understand in a way – Hollywood hosts these “look-at-us” awards every year to perpetuate their own machine, so if foreign stars take home the prizes, the lights grow a little dimmer in Hollywood. I get that. But fuck – get this man a nomination! He deserved the award for his amazing portrayal of Martin Cahill in John Boorman‘s The General. Funny enough the award that year went to Roberto Benigni, an Italian, for his super sappy performance in Life Is Beautiful. SIGH. I fucking give up. If you haven’t seen Calvary, get there. It is my #1 film of 2014. It will blow you away.

I could go into great detail about the films they passed over, and will do so closer to the awards in February when I release my list of who and what I thought the nominees and winners should be.

Surprises

two days on night -mc

Marion Cotillard‘s nomination for the Dardenne Brothers‘ latest opus Two Days, One Night was a bit of a surprise as most people were expecting Jennifer Aniston to grab one for her lauded performance in Cake. We all know that Cotillard has the chops as she has already won an Oscar for her role as Edith Piaf in La Vie en Rose. But as I stated before, it’s rare we see actors from foreign countries get the nods. While this film is still rolling out here in the US, I can’t wait to see it. Both the Dardennes and Cotillard make great choices and the premise of this film – a woman has to convince her coworkers over two days and one night to vote to keep her job rather than firing her and splitting her salary as a bonus between them all – is one of the more intriguing of the year. I do wonder why it missed the Best Foreign film cut.

most violent year - jc

Jessica Chastain, like Amy Adams (who could have easily gotten a nod herself for Big Eyes), is somewhat of an Academy darling nominated twice already for her roles in Zero Dark Thirty and The Help. I thought she was a shoo-in for A Most Violent Year, playing a role similar to Jennifer Lawrence‘s in American Hustle.

wild - laura dern

But alas, Laura Dern took home the nod for her role in Wild. Honestly, I didn’t even know she was in the film. So, yeah, I was a little surprised.

foxcatcher poster

In the “How the fuck did this not happen” category – Foxcatcher gets nominations for Best Director (Bennett Miller), Best Actor (Steve Carell), Best Supporting Actor (Mark Ruffalo), Best Original Screenplay (E. Max Frye and Dan Futterman) and Best Achievement in Makeup and Hairstyling (Bill Corso and Dennis Liddiard). How the fuck does it not garner a Best Picture nomination? I have yet to see the film, but this simply doesn’t add up.

american sniper

And lastly, I’ll end with American Sniper‘s 6 nominations. I saw the film last night and I just can’t believe the Academy is as ridiculous as this. 6 nominations? Are you serious? Get out your pom-poms and let’s kiss Eastwood‘s ass some more…except not enough to give him a Best Director nod. Does this mean that the film was good enough to make the Best Pic cut in spite of Eastwood‘s direction? They did nominate him in that fucking mess that was Mystic River and he won for the awful Million Dollar Baby.

Sigh.

That does it for the 2015 edition of Hey! The Academy Fucked It Up Again.

Check out the poll below and vote for which film you think should win Best Picture:

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Sweet Christ – Threshold Entertainment announces plans to make a Tetris movie

30 Tuesday Sep 2014

Posted by harmonov in Bottom of the Barrel, Rants, Shit Sandwich, Wow

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

battleship, larry kasanoff, mortal kombat, stretch armstrong, tetris, threshold entertainment, wall streeet journal

tetris

Unfuckingreal.

Just when you thought it wasn’t possible for Hollywood to create anything else as stupid as Battleship or the impending Stretch Armstrong movie, the news comes out that the dildos who adapted Mortal Kombat will be making a film adaptation of another hit video game in Tetris. SIGH. It’s hard to even react to shit like this anymore with surprise because the precedent has been set. Anything that any group of people loved at any one time in history, no matter how stupid or ridiculous, can have a movie made about it or based on it. Threshold CEO Larry Kasanoff says (via the Wall Street Journal), “It’s a very big, epic sci-fi movie…This isn’t a movie with a bunch of lines running around the page. We’re not giving feet to the geometric shapes.”

What the fuck does that even mean?

Once again, I urge you, as I’ve done in the past – PLEASE avoid paying your hard earned money to see shit sandwiches like this. It only encourages more of it. Instead, go see films like Inherent Vice when it is released. Paying with your money to see films is like voting – if you don’t vote for it, Hollywood won’t fucking make it. Now, sally forth and watch good movies.

Rant over.

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Now I Know What I’m Doing on November 14 – New Poster for Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas

28 Thursday Aug 2014

Posted by harmonov in Bottom of the Barrel, Rants

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

banana, kirk cameron, put christ back in christmas, ray comfort, saving christmas, sharknado, the onion

kirk-camerons-saving-christmas1

I haven’t seen anything this funny or stupid in quite some time. It’s almost like the folks who made Sharknado are trolling us all. With a poster this fucking bad, you might think The Onion has entered the fray, but alas, this movie is really for real. And really all one needs to know about this is that Kirk Cameron is involved so it’s bound to be laughable.

His motivation for making this films is spot-on Cameron: “My hope for Saving Christmas is that families all across the country will join with my family in putting Christ back into Christmas.” He’s back to get us atheists out of his holiday armed with a big candy cane and a snow globe. That’s Kirk – always bringing the fire.

Sigh.

Here’s the awesome trailer:

And here is a funny clip of Kirk and his buddy-in-arms against evolution Ray Comfort discussing God’s design of the banana specifically for human comsumption…only to be refuted in a quick minute:

And who better to save, Christmas than Kirk Cameron? God dispatched his finest soldier, yeah?

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2014 Indy Film Fest Coverage

04 Monday Aug 2014

Posted by harmonov in Cream of the Crop, Film Festivals, Rants, Raves

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

american spectrum prize, amy morton, atom egoyan, bluebird, bridey elliott, brooklyn, charles rogers, clare mcnulty, douglas smith, evacuation, fort tilden, grand jury prize, hard drive, indianapolis, indy film fest, john slattery, lance edmands, last days in vietnam, laura wiggins, louisa krause, peace corps, reel news daily, rory kennedy, saigon, sarah violet-bliss, sweet hereafter, sxsw, teach for america, viet cong, william macgillivray, williamsburg

indy film festLast year was the first time that I went to the then Indianapolis International Film Festival, now the Indy Film Fest, and I was incredibly impressed with the great number of films they had represented there, including  Joseph Gordon-Levitt‘s Don Jon being the closing film. It really whetted my appetite for this this year’s fest.

All Access...the only way to do it.

All Access…the only way to do it.

Since the commute from where I like in Bloomington to Indianapolis is over an hour each way, I only went up to the festival twice – I caught three films one day and went back to see Lance Edmands‘s Bluebird, which took home both the Grand Jury Prize as the top film at the festival as well as the American Spectrum Prize for the best American film submitted to the festival. Needless to say, both trips were well worth my time. Here are the synopses of those that I saw with links to full reviews:

Last Days in Vietnam directed by Rory Kennedy

last days in vietnam posterThis was the first film I saw and the only documentary I caught at the fest and boy was it fantastic. Detailing the evacuation of Saigon as the Viet Cong pushed in, Last Days in Vietnam is a heroic tale of the American soldiers who were responsible for getting thousands of South Vietnamese nationals who were at risk of death had they remained behind. That the bulk of the operation was done under the radar as US Ambassador Graham Martin refused to believe that the city and the South would fall is all the more amazing. This film gets the adrenaline up and plays like a thriller in parts, which is hard to do since most everyone knows the outcome of the war and the evacuation. Kennedy‘s structure, interweaving historical footage of the evacuation with testimony from actual participants, creates the framework for a really strong film. I couldn’t have been happier that I was able to see this one on the big screen. It was really amazing.

Click here for the full review.

Here is the trailer:

Hard Drive directed by William MacGillivray

hard drive postgerHard Drive was the next film I took is and also was the film I liked least.  The film is about a slacker named Ditch (Douglas Smith) who, like many post-high school teens and twenty-somethings, sit adrift unable to look for and find their niche. When Ditch meets the mysterious Debs (Laura Wiggins), his fortunes seem to have changed. She’s attractive, funny, impulsive – all the things that Ditch really isn’t. But she has secrets and she is elusive when pressed about them. When Ditch finds out what they are, he and Debs try to confront them head on. Overwrought and flush with ridiculous plot points, it didn’t get my engines fired on any level. The characters were stale and incomplete, the situations silly and the acting, outside of Wiggins, was also suspect.

Click here for the full review.

Here’s the trailer:

Fort Tilden directed  by Sarah Violet-Bliss and Charles Rogers

FortTildenPoster Fort Tilden is incredible. No ifs, ands or buts about it. An incredibly funny film about two friends, Allie (Clare McNulty) and Harper (Bridey Elliott), who are caricatures of many middle-twenties kids holed up in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. Bridey is a pampered daddy’s girl who also is an aspiring artist who is more talk than artist. Allie is a girl who never completes anything she starts. She is the perfect embodiment of the post-baccalaureate youth – started Teach for America, now going into the Peace Corps. She clearly has a heart but can’t bring herself to actually follow through with the giving back she feels is necessary. After meeting two boys at a rooftop concert and agreeing to meet them the next day at the beach at Fort Tilden, the ladies embark on a trip that is more comedy of errors than anything else as they try to rendezvous with these possible paramours. Fort Tilden has garnered some serious buzz, especially after taking home the Grand Jury Prize at the SXSW Film Festival in March and all of it earned and well deserved. This is a fantastically funny and extremely spot-on film from the first scene to the last.

Click here for the full review.

While there is no trailer yet for this movie, check out this teaser that is very representative of the film:

Bluebird directed by Lance Edmands

bluebird posterWithout a doubt, Lance Edmands‘s Bluebird was my favorite film of the festival. Brooding and melancholy, which means right up my alley, Bluebird takes place in the northern part of Maine where logging and paper mills are king and small towns entire economy depend on them for support. The film chronicles the struggles of one family as a mistake made my the mother, Lesley (Amy Morton in a career performance), plays out, the repercussions reverberating in every sphere of their lives. Flush with terrific performance from John Slattery, Louisa Krause and Margo Martindale among others, Bluebird is as fantastic a debut feature as I’ve seen in quite some time and deserving of both the Grand Jury Prize and American Spectrum, both of which it took home. Stay tuned for my interview with director Lance Edmands in the coming days. With echoes of Atom Egoyan‘s The Sweet Hereafter, this film, to me, is a can’t miss.

Click here for the full review.

Here’s the trailer:

So another year in the books. I hope that the Indy Film Fest is able to build on their triumphs of the last couple of years and grow this festival. It has all the makings of something great. Next year will be the 12th year (I believe) of the festival and I look forward to another slate of great films.

Be sure to follow me over at Reel News Daily for more film-centric chatter from me and my great cohorts there.

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God damn it – 1981 soccer classic Victory getting the remake treatment.

30 Monday Jun 2014

Posted by harmonov in Rants, Remakes, Shit Sandwich

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

1981, Doug Liman, football, gavin o'connor, germans, John Huston, max von sydow, michael caine, Pelé, POW, soccer, swingers, Sylvester Stallone, victory, WWII, you can do it hatch

victory posterSince Hollywood likes to remain topical (what with the World Cup and all), it was announced today that Swingers director Doug Liman is taking on the newest unnecessary remake to be announced – John Huston‘s WWII POW/soccer/prison break drama starring Michael Caine, Pelé, Max von Sydow and Sylvester Stallone (of course) is up for duty now. The basic premise of the film is that a mixed soccer team of POWs are forced to play against the Führer’s racially and athletically superior team as a show of good will. So, let’s think about this – a film that takes place in a POW camp behind enemy lines during WWII where a large portion of the prisoners happen to be all-world soccer players (there are representatives from Ireland, England, Poland, Denmark, Holland, Belgium, Scotland and Norway). What possible reason can there be to update this film? It can’t be transferred to another, more recent war. Does this work in Iraq, Afghanistan or even Vietnam? Not a fucking chance. Even with Gavin O’Connor writing the script, I just don’t know how this works.

The wall with Stallone at the helm. Germans beware...

The wall with Stallone at the back. Germans beware…

This is just so fucking pointless, it makes my damn head hurt. Liman has had a decent career doing some fairly original material. Why does he have to stoop to this? The almighty dollar prevails, I guess. And how many people can ever live up to Pelé‘s delivery of the all-important “You can do it, Hatch” line? This is wrong on so many levels. Sigh.

So, once again, Hollywood execs – you and your sequel/remaking asses can suck it. Somewhere out there, there is an original, thought-provoking script just waiting to see the light of the big screen and you deal us this shit. Bah. If I didn’t love the movies so much…

End rant.

Here is the trailer for the original and triple awesome film:

P.S. I will admit I don’t appreciate that it’s the Irishman whose arm is broken so that Stallone can join the team. Always the Irish…

And better yet, here is Pelé doing what he does best:

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The Goonies sequel back on? Fuck it.

08 Tuesday Apr 2014

Posted by harmonov in Rants

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

16 blocks, a.i., amistad, artificial intelligence, assassins, catch me if you can, chris columbus, corey feldman, daniel day-lewis, fuck it, goonies, gremlins, indiana jones, josh brolin, jurassic park, kingdom of crystal skull, lethal weapon, lightning thief, martha plimpton, only the lonely, percy jackson, rent, richard donner, saving private ryan, Sean Astin, sequel, steven spielberg, the lost world, the terminal, timeline, war horse

goonies posterI have been waiting for this to situation to clear itself up before posting about it, but it appears the smoke has cleared and Richard Donner is moving forward with a sequel to The Goonies with Steven Spielberg, the original producer who also has the story credit from the original film, in hand. According to Corey Feldman via Twitter (sigh), this project is starting to get some legs. For better or worse. This could easily be another, “they are whoring out my childhood” post of which I’ve had a few in the past. I’m not going to go that route, however. Yes, I think this sequel is beyond ill-advised and enough to make me scream. Any fan of the original I would hope feels the same way. Let’s face it, the time for the sequel is past. Do we really want to see an old ass Mikey? I don’t. Corey Feldman is way too burnt out to recapture the beauty of Mouth. I, however, am always up for more Martha Plimpton in any way we can get her.

Goonies 25th Reunion

Goonies cast at the 25th Reunion

The magic of the original film was that it was kids taking charge of their own destiny outside of the adult world to make shit happen. If the sequel were to have happened, it should have happened back in 1987 or 1988 when they could still capitalize on that same feeling. To me, with the Goonies all as adults in the coming sequel (let’s hope it falls apart), it rings pretty hollow. I don’t know the storyline, but I am skeptical at best. Perhaps the thing that is most clear in all of this is how creatively bankrupt Steven Spielberg has become. When was the last original film he did? War Horse, which was a bomb (war pun intended).  Hell, Schindler’s List was the last decent movie he made, although the first 20 minutes of Saving Private Ryan were really great. He’s given us one shitty Indiana Jones sequel with another likely shitty one on the way, a Lifetime movie about Abraham Lincoln salvaged only by the dynamite performance of Daniel Day-Lewis, and a handful of mediocrity (A.I. Artificial Intelligence, Catch Me If You Can, The Terminal, Amistad, Jurassic Park: The Lost World). So why wouldn’t he latch onto something that has a rabid audience? And Richard Donner? Four Lethal Weapon films and a series of bombs including 16 Blocks, Assassins and Timeline. Even if Chris Columbus, who has had his ups (Gremlins, Only the Lonely) and downs (mostly as a director – Rent, Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief) comes back to write the script, I just don’t know how the recipe that worked so well is recreated. To me, this is a film that never needed a sequel at all. I know Goonies Never Say Die, but damn it, I wish the powers that be would tell this project to die and go away. I wrote this about the merits of the film and why it still resonates almost 30 thirty years later.

If it does come off, and Sean Astin says he’ll bet his children on the fact that it will, then I will see it. I will pay only a matinee price, though. And I reserve the right to skewer it further upon seeing it. In the off chance it is actually good, I will admit that. I still maintain that no sequel is necessary and the integrity of the original is what Donner, Spielberg, Columbus and any of the original cast that return are all betting with. Seems like a bad bet to me.

Rant over.

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New Fletch movie starring Jason Sudeikis?

11 Tuesday Mar 2014

Posted by harmonov in Rants, Remakes

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

bullshit, chevy chase, fletch, fletch lives, gregory macdonald, hollywood, jason lee, jason sudeikis, kevin smith, remake, the black list, unoriginal

It’s been a while since I did an out and out rant about something stupid that Hollywood is doing, so lucky for you here’s another one:

Jason Sudeikis playing Fletch in a new origin film based on the Gregory MacDonald novels which spawned the iconic Chevy Chase films Fletch and Fletch Lives in the 80s.

fletch - using the whole fist

You using the whole fist, doc?

It was bad enough when Kevin Smith had wanted to restart the Fletch franchise using Jason Lee in the title role. Now this. I understand it might be a new take on the material, less comedic and grittier, but I really have to ask, is this fucking necessary? Perhaps Hollywood execs should spend more time poking around on The Black List for original, thought-provking scripts rather than reimagining films that fucking worked the first time around. And Jason Sudeikis? Fucking really? Were Colin Quinn or Sinbad not available? I’m just not sure they could have chosen a less funny person other than those two to take the role.

I may not be funny, but I do wear funny hats!

I may not be funny, but I do wear funny hats!

Hollywood’s obsession with repurposing existing films/franchises/tv shows/video games/board games, etc. needs to fucking end and the only way that happens is if people don’t pay to see this shit. So it’s on you folks out there. Don’t pay your hard earned money for shit like this. You’re better than that. Do us all a solid and buy Long John Silver’s instead.

End rant.

Now, watch Chevy Chase holding it down in the original:

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My Impressions of the 2014 Academy Awards

10 Monday Mar 2014

Posted by harmonov in Awards, Rants, Raves

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

12 years a slave, 20 feet from stardom, academy awards, alfonso cuaron, american hustle, amy adams, ang lee, august: osage county, barkhad abdi, blackfish, blue jasmine, bradley cooper, brokeback mountain, bruce dern, captain phillips, casey affleck, cate blanchett, children of men, chiwetel ejiofor, christian bale, dallas buyers club, daniel day-lewis, david o. russell, ellen degeneres, emmanuel lubezki, gravity, happy-go-lucky, hero, hunger, indonesia, jared leto, jennifer lawrence, jordan catalano, joshua oppenheimer, judi dench, julia roberts, june squibb, katherine bigelow, leonardo dicaprio, lisa minnelli, lupita nyong'o, matthew mcconaughey, michael fassbender, mud, nebraska, netflix, Oscars, out of the furnace, paradise now, patsey, philomena, pink, pizza delivery, place beyond the pines, ryan gosling, sally hawkins, sandra bullock, seth mcfarlane, solomon northup, spielberg, steve mcqueen, terrence malick, the 'burbs, the act of killing, the new world, tom cruise, tree of life, wizard of oz, wolf of wall street

So the 86th Academy Awards have come and gone and now that we’ve had a week to digest what happened in the Dolby Theatre on Sunday, now it’s time to sort it all out – what, if anything, did the Academy get right and what did they get wrong? Who better to tell you than your old buddy, Harmonov?

It was good to see Ellen Degeneres back at the helm. Seth McFarlane filled his role last year, but I wasn’t terribly excited about him as the host. Ellen told great jokes, skewered Hollywood quite nicely and kept the incredibly boring show rolling despite the producers’ best efforts to make it the worst show in memory. Ellen made the show fun despite the selfie non-sense. I guess some people eat that shit up. Not this guy. And I did appreciate Ellen looking like she just finished presenting a case in the House of Lords sans the ridiculous ass wig.

aa2014 - ellen host

And let’s face it, folks – the “Hero” theme this year was as fucking awful as the “Musical” theme from last year. The montages were boring (way too much Tom Cruise) and the Pink/Wizard of Oz tribute was preposterous. With Liza Minnelli sitting in the audience, we get Pink to do this? Come the fuck on. And let’s be serious, why do the damn thing at all, right?

aa2014 pink wizard

The pizza delivery may well have been the high point of the non-award shenanigans. Should I really have enjoyed watching Jennifer Lawrence scarfing down a slice of pizza as much as I did? Who am I kidding? I didn’t really care at all, although I think we were all secretly waiting for her to drop it on her dress.

Brad Pitt, Ellen DeGeneres

So on to the awards…

Director and producer McQueen celebrates after accepting the Oscar for best picture with Nyong'o at the 86th Academy Awards in Hollywood

While it seemed that Gravity, who had swiped seven awards up to the time when Best Picture was announced, might pull off the win, I’m happy to say that the Academy got this one right with 12 Years a Slave taking home the Oscar. I’ve said for months it was the strongest film of the year and it’s nice that the voters actually agreed. I do wonder, especially in light of the two anonymous Academy voters saying they voted for 12 Years a Slave without having seen it, if Ellen was right when she quipped that either “a)12 Years a Slave will win Best picture or b) You’re all racists.” I think I saw all but 8 or 9 of all the films nominated in every category. That I, a professional (well…let’s not rush to judgment there) with a 40-hour+/week job and two kids, was somehow able to see nearly all of the films nominated makes me question the Academy and the voting all the more. Get your fucking act in gear Academy. Anyhither, this was a two-pony race for the last few weeks with American Hustle falling by the wayside.  I will say this – get a documentary into the Best Picture category. There is too much going on in that arena of film to be denied consideration. I will address this later on.

86th Annual Academy Awards - ShowIt was great to see Alfonso Cuarón pull out the win for Gravity, but I will still pulling for Steve McQueen. Cuarón more than deserved one for Children of Men, one of my favorite films of the aughts. Likewise, McQueen should have had one for Hunger as well. I feel certain that we will see more from them both in the future that will merit awards consideration. There was no villain for me to root against in this category this year like there was with Spielberg last year. I would have even been fine with David O. Russell winning for American Hustle, which came home with a goose egg, winning no Oscars in the ten categories it was nominated. Shame, really, because it was very good. And a quick note – Cuarón is the first man born of Latino heritage to take home the Best Director award (McQueen would have been the first African-American to do so), so this was a historic night. Let’s not lose sight of that. In a category that has been cornered by white men (Kathryn Bigelow and Ang Lee are the only two from minority populations to have won this award), Cuarón‘s win was historic. I feel like this was lost somehow.

aa2014 lupitaThe Best Supporting Actress category was another that was mildly close until the voting ended. Academy voters had a choice – award Hollywood “it” girl Jennifer Lawrence with back-to-back Oscars at age 23 (obviously the youngest to do so) for a performance in American Hustle that I wouldn’t even consider one of the best five of the year (it was still good, though) as an ignored New Jersey housewife or give the award to Lupita Nyong’o for her brave performance as Patsey, a tortured slave and the object of affection for her brutal owner. Seemed like a no-brainer and I’m glad the Academy chose wisely. So often they fall on the wrong side. June Squibb and Sally Hawkins were both sentimental favorites of sorts knowing that neither had a chance. Hawkins‘ turn was nothing short of amazing and to stand out when acting alongside Cate Blanchett in what amounts to her signature starring role is no small feat. She charmed again just like she did in Happy-Go-Lucky. She is simply fantastic and I always look forward to how she crafts her characters. June Squibb gave us without a doubt the funniest performance in any of the acting categories. I was so glad that they showed the cemetery clip from Nebraska for the nominees sequence. I laughed heartily at that scene. Julia Roberts…you can suck it. If ever there was a token nomination, this is a great example. Still building her characters exactly the same as she did 20 years ago, it’s good to see the Academy recognizing the range in her work. What a fucking joke. There were at least ten performances that deserved a nomination over hers. And this is why I can’t help but to question the merit of the Academy voters. Sigh.

aa2014 letoThe Best Supporting Actor was a race that was wrapped up months ago with Jared Leto taking home the Oscar for his role as Rayon, the transsexual business partner of Ron Woodroof in Dallas Buyers Club. It was a great performance, but I still say this award should have gone to Michael Fassbender for 12 Years a Slave. Both of the films were important as were the roles and performances, but Leto‘s performance didn’t leave anywhere near the impact that Fassbender‘s did. And let me point this out…Jordan Catalano now has an Oscar. Who’d a thunk? I thought this was the weakest set of nominations in the acting groups with Jonah Hill and Bradley Cooper both stretches to be honored alongside Leto, Fassbender and Barkhad Abdi, who I thought was just fantastic in Captain Phillips. I thought that Casey Affleck (Out of the Furnace) and Ryan Gosling (Place Beyond the Pines) were the two better choices in this category.

aa2014 mcconaugheyThis one was settled months ago as well and it’s hard to get mad at this pick. The story was important and the performance was spot-on (this is hard for me to admit), but to me it wasn’t even his best performance of the year (see Mud people…for serious). My vote would have gone Chiwetel Ejiofor in 12 Years a Slave. Obviously I’ve made no bones about it being what I believe to be the best film of the year and its success was steeped in the three key performances – Ejiofor, Nyong’o and Fassbender (Sarah Paulson‘s is nothing to scoff at either). Christian Bale landing a nod here was worthy, but not the strongest of his career. Despite American Hustle scoring 10 nominations, it seemed that Bale was lost in the shuffle of everything else. I thought DiCaprio shone quite brightly in The Wolf of Wall Street, which is also very hard to admit. Bruce Dern took it on the chin for his age at every awards show, but he was fantastic, although if you’re going to laud him, his work for The ‘Burbs should be heavily considered.

aa2014 blanchettThis was the toughest one for me to choose who I wanted to win. When I saw Cate Blanchett in Blue Jasmine this past summer, I knew it was a performance to be reckoned with, standard for her. She brings it every time and is without a doubt my favorite actress working today. However, Amy Adams is just as consistent and I thought her performance in American Hustle was the best part of that film. She has been nominated five times and has been deserving of the award every year. She will get hers at some point in what I believe is the very near future, but this one was tough. Meryl Streep broke the record for most nomination by an actor/actress for her role in August: Osage County, an over the top performance that really doesn’t stack up against most of the other 17 she’s received. We get it Academy, you love Meryl. We do, too, but seriously, it dilutes the importance of the nomination when you give her one for every fucking performance. STOP. Sandra Bullock was okay in Gravity, but once again, I don’t think she’s got a tremendous amount of range and frankly without the special effects to keep the eyes busy, I doubt she gets a nod. Judi Dench was good in Philomena, but she is like Meryl in that if it’s a serious role outside of the Bond films, she’ll get a nod. Her Irish accent needed some work as well.

And with Blanchett’s win, we did get to see this:

aa204 blanchett ddl

Her and Daniel Day-Lewis together on the same stage…I’m surprised the world was not swallowed in a vortex of badassery because that’s precisely what this is. Worth watching the show for this one shot alone…

aa2014 lubezki

And I just wanted to say how happy I was to see Emmanuel Lubezki finally win and Oscar for cinematography. His work with Terrence Malick in The Tree of Life and The New World as well as his photography in Cuarón‘s Children of Men were all the best nominated in those years. Now, if we can just get Roger Deakins one, all will be right in the category.

And I would be remiss if I didn’t once again say that Joshua Oppenheimer‘s The Act of Killing losing the Best Documentary Feature award to 20 Feet from Stardom shows what pussies the Academy can be. That The Act of Killing was not nominated for Best Picture was tragedy enough, but losing this is truly unconscionable. This is a film that will (and already has) affect long term change in Indonesia and helps opens people’s eyes to an atrocity that had American backing (although this isn’t explicitly said in the film) and makes us question our roles as accomplices in acts as despicable as what occurred in Indonesia in 1965 and the lasting effect it still has. Watch the film, people. Get to Netflix asap. I don’t want to take anything away from 20 Feet from Stardom because it is a fine film, one which I enjoyed very much, and the stories of the backup singers in it are compelling, but it just doesn’t even compare on any level to the reach that The Act of Killing has had and will have. I was lucky enough to sit in a room with Oppenheimer last week and have him explain this film, his motivation for making it and how it affects us all and came out even more convinced that this film losing this award is an artistic tragedy. Much in the same way they passed up Brokeback Mountain and Paradise Now, the Academy went with the safe bet. I can’t abide that. Film is a medium that can provoke thought, start discussions and cause people to act (see Blackfish). It’s at its best when it does so. The Academy missed an opportunity to bring forth discussion.

Another year in the books and another year until I get to bitch about something that really has no relevance to the world outside of a group of super rich people jerking each other off over taking at least $8 from us each time we visit the theater to see one of their creations. Funny that.

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