Since Hollywood likes to remain topical (what with the World Cup and all), it was announced today that Swingers director Doug Liman is taking on the newest unnecessary remake to be announced – John Huston‘s WWII POW/soccer/prison break drama starring Michael Caine, Pelé, Max von Sydow and Sylvester Stallone (of course) is up for duty now. The basic premise of the film is that a mixed soccer team of POWs are forced to play against the Führer’s racially and athletically superior team as a show of good will. So, let’s think about this – a film that takes place in a POW camp behind enemy lines during WWII where a large portion of the prisoners happen to be all-world soccer players (there are representatives from Ireland, England, Poland, Denmark, Holland, Belgium, Scotland and Norway). What possible reason can there be to update this film? It can’t be transferred to another, more recent war. Does this work in Iraq, Afghanistan or even Vietnam? Not a fucking chance. Even with Gavin O’Connor writing the script, I just don’t know how this works.
The wall with Stallone at the back. Germans beware…
This is just so fucking pointless, it makes my damn head hurt. Liman has had a decent career doing some fairly original material. Why does he have to stoop to this? The almighty dollar prevails, I guess. And how many people can ever live up to Pelé‘s delivery of the all-important “You can do it, Hatch” line? This is wrong on so many levels. Sigh.
So, once again, Hollywood execs – you and your sequel/remaking asses can suck it. Somewhere out there, there is an original, thought-provoking script just waiting to see the light of the big screen and you deal us this shit. Bah. If I didn’t love the movies so much…
End rant.
Here is the trailer for the original and triple awesome film:
P.S. I will admit I don’t appreciate that it’s the Irishman whose arm is broken so that Stallone can join the team. Always the Irish…
And better yet, here is Pelé doing what he does best:
When anyone thinks of contemporary cinematic masters, if they think of anyone besides Martin Scorsese first, they should thumbed in the eye. There is likely no American filmmaker living that draws as much water as Scorsese, and for good reason. Not only is he America’s premiere director armed with an encyclopedic film knowledge and history, his efforts in film preservation and the creation of The Film Foundation go beyond the scope of what any other director does to make sure the true passion his life, film, is able to be passed along to other generations. If there was one filmmaker I’d most like to meet and have a drink with, it would be Mr.Scorsese. I’m sure I’m in no small company.
Scorsese has made so many great films, whittling down his oeuvre to my top five was very difficult as I’m sure it would be for anyone who is a fan. So, in honor of the man who just turned 70 and is still going strong (thank the cinematic heavens), here we go:
5. Gangs of New York (2002)
Based loosely on the book by Herbert Asbury, Gangs of New York tells the tale of immigrant struggle in the big city as “nativist” gangs and crooked politicians (Boss Tweed and Tammany Hall) fight to keep the immigrant hordes from sullying the American landscape with their neverending swarms washing ashore. Set mostly during the Civil War times (1863, to be exact), Gangs of New York, chronicles the lives of two men in direct conflict with one another – Amsterdam Vallon (Leonardo DiCaprio) and Bill “The Butcher” Cutting (Daniel Day-Lewis). Cutting, a nativist, killed Amsterdam’s father, the Priest and an Irish immigrant, in an epic opening battle sequence at the beginning of the film. He vowed revenge on that day. After spending his youth in an orphanage, Amsterdam returns to New York to complete his mission. Unknown to all except his old friend Johnny Sirocco (Henry Thomas), Amsterdam impresses and is befriended by Bill the Butcher. Biding his time, Amsterdam waits to spring a trap on Bill, completing his revenge. Things don’t always go as planned, of course, and Amsterdam’s identity is revealed. One last battle takes place in which all debts are settled, for better or worse, in a climactic scene that is plainly fabulous.
You know how I stayed alive this long? Fear. The spectacle of fearsome acts.
After I saw this film on January 1, 2003, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Daniel Day-Lewis‘ performance may be the best I’ve ever seen by an actor. Absolutely haunting. That says something since his turns in My Left Foot and There Will Be Blood are simply amazing and won him the Oscar (as if that means much). He totally embodies the character and tales of him staying in character throughout production are legendary. He is the best actor working in film today giving virtuosic performances each time. And to think he wanted to retire to become a cobbler in Italy before this role.
I wish I could say the same about the other two leads. DiCaprio is adequate in the role, but I think the role could have been better cast. This film cost at least $100 million to make, so it makes sense that he, the highest-grossing box office star in the world at the time was added to help with funding. Still, he never felt right in the role to me. I can’t see him as a heavy with the sand to take out a guy like The Butcher. He’s too skinny and pretty for that. It was this film, however, that led to the subsequent Scorsese-DiCaprio collaborations which have been quite enjoyable except for Shutter Island, during which I fell asleep. Cameron Diaz in the role of pickpocket/turtledove Jenny Everdeane was a tragedy to start with. More suited to gross out comedies and all-girl action flicks, Diaz was clearly out of her league with far superior talent on-screen with the likes of John C. Reilly and Brendan Gleeson. Her accent was terrible and her performance was stiff. Easily the worst part of the film.
It’s a funny feeling being taken under the wing of a dragon. It’s warmer than you’d think.
This was a project that Scorsese had tried for years to get to the screen. This one was truly a labor of love and it shows. The sets are immaculate, the details incredible. The featurette on the DVD with him walking around the set showing all of this off is pretty incredible. What an effort. I usually revisit this film at least once a year. And it is worth it every time.
Here’s the trailer:
4) The King of Comedy (1983)
The King of Comedy is likely one of those films of Scorsese’s that is often times overlooked, which is really a shame. The film centers on aspiring comedian Rupert Pupkin (Robert De Niro) and his delusional, obsessive quest to become famous. Rupert lives in his mother’s basement, set up to look like the stage/set of iconic talk-show host Jerry Langford (Jerry Lewis). Rupert courts Jerry (who is basically Johnny Carson) after helping him through a crowd of post-show admirers. His hope is that Jerry will give him a spot on his show. Rupert, whose delusions about his relationship with Jerry spin further and further out of control as the movie wears on, enlists the help of Jerry Langford stalker and fellow deluded-fan, Masha (Sandra Bernhard) to help him achieve his/her goals (her’s is getting to sleep with and love Jerry). When they kidnap Jerry and hold him for ransom, things may or may not go as planned. The ending of this film is pretty amazing, but I don’t want to give it away to any who haven’t seen it.
A basement that is just as scary as John Wayne Gacy’s?
De Niro gives one of his best performances in this film, which is terribly poignant even today. Celebrity culture and worship is worse now than ever. One need only go to the supermarket checkout to see this nonsense in full force, 40 magazine covers detailing celebrity breakups, diets, drug problems, etc. I wonder why anyone gives a fuck? If I ever see another stupid ass Kardashian, it would be too soon. At least Rupert had actual aspirations for himself and Masha just wanted to be with the celebrity not be one herself. So even the extreme behavior that these two exhibit has been expanded upon in the year’s sinceThe King of Comedy‘s release. One need only look at the shocking number of stalkers celebrities have (David Letterman, anyone?) to see how this is still applicable and something that a Scorsese film, Taxi Driver, directly contributed to (John Hinckley‘s fascination with Jodie Foster which led to him trying to assassinate Ronald Reagan).
Here’s the trailer:
3. Taxi Driver (1976)
Mean Streets may have put Scorsese on the map, but Taxi Driver solidified his place on the A-list when it was nominated for Oscar in 4 categories (Best Actor, Best Supporting Actress, Best Picture and Best Score). Paul Schrader’s script was gypped out of a nomination and it remains one of the best ever written. In Taxi Driver, Travis Bickle (Robert De Niro) is a Vietnam vet who hasn’t been able to reassimilate. He enlists himself as taxi driver, seeing the extent to which New York City has gone to the birds, decaying, trashy, disgusting. While driving he is struck by the beauty of a woman Betsy (Cybil Shepherd) working for presidential candidate Charles Palatine (Leonard Harris). He courts her, but offends her and runs her off. In an attempt to get her attention, he plans on assassinating Palatine (mentioned above, this is where John Hinckley got his inspiration to assassinate Ronald Reagan). In the end, in an unexpected twist of fate, Travis ends up gaining notoriety for something completely different. Is he changed after the event? Maybe. Maybe not. That’s for you to figure out.
Betsy – the apple of Travis’ eye.
Like Hitchcock, Scorsese frequently makes cameos in his films. In Bringing Out the Dead, it’s only his voice as the ambulance dispatcher, in Gangs of New York he’s a high society man, living lavishly. It is in Taxi Driver, however, that he makes his most famous and perhaps most shocking cameo, although he was great in Kurosawa‘s Dreams as Vincent Van Gogh. Check it out:
“You talkin’ to me? You talkin‘ to me?” There is no more iconic line from a Scorsese movie than this one. It at once gives us two clues about Travis Bickle – 1) he is disturbed, clearly not in his right mind, and 2) he is a loner, not one who has been able to assimilate into society. Apparently, this line was also improvised by De Niro. Travis is not unlike Rupert Pupkin in both of these areas. Whereas the violence in The King of Comedy is more psychological, we see a clear departure from that to the distinctly real and visceral in Taxi Driver. This is none more obvious than the shoot-out at pimp Sport’s (Harvey Keitel) place.
Travis Bickle: Hero or villain?
Watch the unhinged Travis Bickle here:
This movie has always made me feel dirty on a number of levels, yet even so, it has struck a chord that I can’t seem to shake. I used to watch this one before I would go to bed from time to time, but my wife said it was too much for her so I stopped. I guess it is a little weird for it to be the last thing I see before I start to dream. Film critic Pauline Kael wrote, “No other film has ever dramatized urban indifference so powerfully.” I tend to agree. I can’t think of any other film that does it as well. Paul Schrader deserves a great amount of credit for that. I was lucky enough to see him present the new 4K restoration of this film at the Indiana University Cinema last year. It was an incredible treat to have him there to talk about the film and his inspiration for it.
Much like The King of Comedy, this film still resonates today. In a time when technology removes the communal experience of things, people tend to isolate themselves more and more sometimes with tragic consequences. If you haven’t seen this film, give it whirl. It’ll blow your hair back.
Here’s the trailer:
2) Raging Bull (1980)
I’m getting the sense that De Niro and Scorsese worked well together. Here is the third installment of their collaboration to appear on this list, and damnation is it a doozy. Raging Bull is the stunning biopic of middleweight boxing legend Jake LaMotta. The film follows Jake’s rise from a guy who would fight anyone to his heyday as the World Middleweight Champion to his post-fight career and all of the disasters that come in between.
I’m gonna make him suffer. I’m gonna make his mother wish she never had him – make him into dog meat…
Raging Bull is tale that shows the fighting and violence that occurs inside the ring rarely stays there. Jake is a jealous man and when his wife Vickie (Cathy Moriarty) mentions that she thinks a fighter he’s about to fight is a “good-looking kid,” Jake pummels him, making him pretty no more. She says that, “I look at somebody the wrong way, I get smacked”. Jake takes special exception when Jackie kisses Tommy Como (Nicholas Colasanto), the mob boss who helps Jake get his title shot, goodbye when he comes to see Jake before the big match. He slaps her for disrespecting him. Jake’s answer to everything is violence. It all boils over when Jake suspects, incorrectly, that Vickie slept with his brother. He slaps her around, goes to Joey’s house and beats his ass then punches Jackie once for good measure. And we are suppose to root for this guy in the film? I wonder if Mike Tyson ever watched this movie?
A husband showing his kind of love…
De Niro‘s performance is one of the best ever. Scorsese obviously has the knack for bringing out the best in his actors. De Niro has never been better and the only director that ever came close to getting a performance like any of those mentioned on this page out of him is Francis Ford Coppola in The Godfather II. The thing is Joe Pesci‘s performance ain’t half bad either. Clearly he was just cutting his teeth because this performance foreshadows what Pesci brings to the table in both Goodfellas and Casino – a scrappy, tough foul-mouthed man to be reckoned with.
Michael Chapman’s cinematography in the film is incredible. The lush black and white film suits the material and time period (the film occurring between the 40s and 60s). The boxing sequences are still the best I’ve seen in any film. None even compare. The final Sugar Ray Robinson fight is the pinnacle of all boxing film photography, flush with brutal close-ups of Lamotta’s smashed and pulverized face and spurting blood. Have a look:
I don’t think anyone would argue with this pick and there are plenty who would list this at #1. Different strokes…
Here’s the trailer:
1) Goodfellas (1990)
“As far back as I can remember, I’ve always wanted to be a gangster” – the ominous first words spoken in voiceover by Henry Hill (Ray Liotta). Goodfellas is based on Hill’s true life events as compiled in the book by Nicolas Pileggi (who also wrote the book that was the basis for Scorsese‘s Casino). I don’t think many would argue that Goodfellas is Scorsese‘s finest film.
Tommy, Paulie, Jimmy and Henry: the goodfellas.
It starts off with a bang. We learn about Henry Hill, a half-Irish, half-Sicilian kid who marvels at the “made” mob guys in his New York neighborhood. They always dress to the nines, drive nice cars, and always have money. What poor kid wouldn’t want to have all of that? Henry works his way up through the ranks, doing small jobs at first for Paulie Cicero’s (Paul Sorvino) gang including Irishman Jimmy Conway (Robert De Niro) working alongside Tommy DeVito (Joe Pesci). Always on the lookout for a score, Henry instruments the largest cash heist ever in America. Things are sailing for all involved until Henry and Jimmy get popped for roughing up an FBI worker’s brother. They are sent to jail and it’s here where Henry picks up on the drug trade, something strictly verboten by Paulie. The deeper Henry gets into the trade, the closer he comes to risking it all. For everyone. Not only do we see Henry tailspin, but Tommy also encounters his own problems. A man with a temper like a grizzly bear, Tommy whacks a “made” man (someone who has been initiated into a crime family and thus protected by said family) because of an insult and eventually has to pay for his indiscretion. This is a theme that plays out for all characters in this film – no misdeed goes unpaid. For some, it isn’t so bad. For others…
How am I funny? Am I a clown to you?
Michael Ballhaus‘ cinematography is one of the stars of this film, as it is in every film in which he and Scorsese have collaborated (almost every film since After Hours). His lighting schemes have made it easy to recognize a Scorsese film without even knowing what it is. A no scene is more iconic of this collaboration than the steadicam shot in the Copacabana. Often imitated and referenced outright (see Swingers), this is among the best shots ever. Watch here:
This film, like most gangster films, put us as the viewer in a precarious situation. Not only do we identify with these characters, but we end up rooting for them despite the incredible amount of people they kill and numerous other despicable acts they commit. I can’t but to help cheer Henry on and it kind of makes me sad. This is an epic tale that spans 25+ years, from the good old days of being a gangster to the days when the goodfellas turn into informants amidst serious charges that break the law of omerta, or silence, that kept the mafia safe for centuries. Henry Hill remained in the news for years after his involvement with the Lucchese crime family until he recently died this past June.
From top to bottom, this film is just fantastic. From the performances to the editing (Thelma Schoonmaker at her absolute best) to the usage of the piano exit from Derek and the Dominoes’ Layla, there are no flaws in this film. None. And to think that both the film and Scorsese lost to Dances with Wolves and Kevin Costner at the Oscars is mindboggling. MINDBOGGLING. I would easily include Goodfellas in my top 25 favorite films of all-time. It’s that damn good.
Here’s the trailer:
So there they are. My Top 5 Fave Scorsese films. I really had a hard time leaving out Scorsese‘s portion of New York Stories, “Life Lessons,” which is simply brilliant. Casino, The Last Temptation of Christ and The Last Waltz were all also under heavy consideration. And let’s be frank – the man doesn’t make a bad film. His documentary work is just as amazing as his narrative work. He is a rare gem in the cinematic field and one I treasure with each forthcoming project. Thanks for all the years of thought-provoking, interesting films, Mr. Scorsese. May you continue to make films for another 70 years!
As I was thinking about this list, I was surprised that I couldn’t really think of any dramas that were as quotable as comedies, specifically those of those of my youth. Perhaps it’s because we watched the comedies at least 10 times before we had to return the videotape back to the video store. You remember what those look like, right? Rewinding them was a bitch.
We all know that Casablanca has 145 incredibly famous, quotable lines. We can take This Is Spinal Tap and Slap Shot as a givens. Films like these are in the canon of quotable movies and will be passed over here. My wife said this list is more about me and people I hang out with than anything about quotable movies, and that if I really wanted to list quotable films, I would list things like When Harry Met Sally or other fluffy nonsense. While that she may be correct about this list, that ain’t happening, my love. You may be smarter than I am, but no one I know quotes movies like WHMS and the like so they will also be absent from this list of triple-delicious quotedom as well.
I know there are many that would include Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy on this list. I can’t understand why people like it. I thought it was a piece of shit. I posted about it here if you’re interested in my one sentence review.
So, that said, here are the five films that I believe to be the most quotable from my vast movie watching experience:
5. Clerks
Bunch of savages in this town.
Kevin Smith‘s raucous and raunchy debut Clerks was a revelation at the time of its release. At least to me. Living in southern Indiana at the time, we were only used to getting big blockbuster fare and romantic comedies. So when I talked three friends into going to see it with me (reluctantly), we were all bowled over by its expletive-laden dialogue and its, truth be told, frank portrayal of the lives of two convenient store-working slackers, Dante (Brian O’Halloran) and Randal (Jeff Anderson). Perfect combination for the time it was released. One of the funniest theater experiences of my life. Say what you will about Smith and his films, but I love this one.
The Quotability Factor (QF) on this film is pretty high. Some of the highlights:
Dante: “My girlfriend sucked 37 dicks” Customer: “In a row?”
Randal: “I’m a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class. Especially since I rule.”
Jay (Jason Mewes): What’s up babes? What’s up, sluts?
Dante: “Are there any balls down there?” Jay: “About the biggest pair you’ve ever seen, dingleberry!”
Dante: “I’m not even supposed to be here today!”
Jay: “I don’t care if she’s my cousin or not, I’m gonna knock those boots again tonight.”
Randal: “I don’t appreciate your ruse, ma’am.” Customer: “I beg your pardon?” Randal: “Your ruse. Your cunning attempt to trick me.”
Here’s the trailer:
It’s raw, low-budget and flawed, but it’s still wonderful and continues to make me laugh this very day.
4. Better Off Dead
Go that way, really fast. If something gets in your way…TURN!
1985, the year of “The Super Bowl Shuffle” and Gorbachev’s ascendency, might have been the best year ever for quotable films, three of which appear on this list. The Goonies, Fletch, and The Breakfast Club were all released in 1985 and don’t make this list. Better Off Dead also was released in 1985, the first of the ’85ers to hit my list at #4.
Better Off Dead is pure 80s goodness. Completely bizarre and super depressing if you think about what Lane Meyer (played by John Cusack at his absolute finest) puts himself through. BoD follows Lane as he falls from being a mid-level ski jock at his high school in Vermont, dating a hot girl whom he loved very much, only to have it all come crashing down when the aptly named Roy Stalin (Aaron Dozier) comes to the school, steals his girl Beth (Amanda Wyss) and his spot on the ski team. Lane then tries to kill himself in various different ways to cope with the pain, stopping before the act is committed. All that changes when French foreign exchange Monique (Diane Franklin) moves into the house next door.
This movie has a supporting character that easily rivals all other supporting characters in quotability and general awesomeness – Charles De Mar (played by Curtis Armstrong also known for his role as Booger in the Revenge of the Nerds movies).
The QF for this film rates high, chock full of memorable moments. The great quotes come from a range of folks, from the main players to even the most ancillary characters. Here’s a taste:
Mailman (Taylor Negron): Hey Badger, your book on how to pick up trashy women came today. What’s a little boy like you doing with big boy smut like this?
Charles De Mar: “The K-12 dude. You make a gnarly run like that and girls will get sterile just looking at you.”
Tree Trimmer (Steven Williams): “Now that’s a real shame when folks be throwin’ away a perfectly good white boy like that.”
Al Meyer (David Ogden Stiers): “I know it’s bacon… but what have you done to it?”
Charles De Mar: “Do you have any idea what the street value of this mountain is?”
Lane Meyer: “No, tentacles. N-T. There’s a big difference.”
Roy Stalin: “You’d make a fine little helper. What’s your name?” Charles De Mar: “Charles De Mar.” Roy Stalin: “Shut up, geek.”
Johnny Gasparini (Sebastian Dungan): “I want my two dollars!”
Charles De Mar: “Man, you’re the hottest thing since sunburn!”
Lane Meyer: “Which is better, speaking no English at all, or speaking Howard Cosell?”
Here’s the trailer:
Better Off Dead is a tasty 80s treat. It hasn’t aged as well as some films and the humor probably is a little goofy compared to today’s standards. However, if taken as an artifact, it’s incredibly insightful, funny and wonderful. And the soundtrack is INCREDIBLE. All the Howard Jones you can get your hands on.
3. Weird Science
Gary, why are we wearing bras on our heads?
Where do I begin with this one? This is my favorite of the John Hughes films, which is a large statement given the run of absolute comedy/quotable gold he was on in the middle to late 80s. The first time I saw Weird Science was at the Rivoli Theater in Muncie, IN – a magical theater that is long gone unfortunately. Another ’85er on the list.
Weird Science tells the story of two high school losers, Gary Wallace (played by Hughes all-star Anthony Michael Hall) and Wyatt Donnelly (Ilan Mitchell-Smith), guys who are picked on, ridiculed and bullied. Since they are the anti-Spanish Fly with women, they decide to make their own woman when Wyatt’s parents are out of town. When they are successful, Lisa (played by Kelly LeBrock who undoubtedly caused massive amounts of carpal tunnel for young men in the mid-80s) tries with all of her powers to make them cool. Wyatt’s prickish older brother Chet (Bill Paxton in a game changing role, one of the absolute best in any Hughes film) does his best to thwart their attempts.
The QF for this film is off the charts. Age plays a role in this one falling to #3, but, truth be told, it can hold its own on any given day in quoteworthiness. Gary Wallace could sneak to the top of the list of most quotable characters should one ever surface. Take that Rick Blaine! The other star of the show is Chet. Just an amazingly awful, gross, loathsome character, but one I cherish to this very day.
Take a look:
Gary: “There are chicks outside and you’re dropping wolf bait!”
Chet: “You’re stewed, buttwad!”
The absolute best scene in the entire film, all of it quote worthy:
Wyatt: Gary, don’t you feel like a chicken? Gary: Wyatt, if I could shoot an egg out my ass right now, I would! Look we can deal with shame, death is a much deeper issue.”
Gary: “Why don’t you shut up, bitch?”
Chet: “But first I’d like to… butter your muffin.”
Gary: “Then bang! We hit the city baby, dead on! For a little drinks, a little night-life, dancing.”
Al Wallace (Brit Leach): “Soir-what?”
Lisa: “This is a Pershing missile, Chip!” Chet: “It’s Chet…my name is Chet! And I didn’t think it was a whale’s dick, honey!”
Chet: “The boozehounds return. What a joke!”
Here’s the trailer:
John Hughes had a talent that is hard to match. I miss him everyday. Watch this movie and laugh your ass off. You won’t regret it.
2 Swingers
T can’t roll with that…she’s business class.
I still recall when my older brother called me out of the blue and said no matter what I do, I can’t miss Swingers should it play near me. He said there was one part, he didn’t need to tell me which, that he knew I would literally be on the floor laughing when it happened. I had never heard of it and kept my eyes peeled, and when it did come to my college town, I jumped all over it. It was an amazing experience, and one that I will give full credit to my brother for keying me into. More about that incredible scene in a few.
Swingers is a tale that revolves around a group of friends who have moved to LA to try and make it in Hollywood. Mike (Jon Favreau, who also wrote the script), Trent (Vince Vaughan in his breakout role), Rob (Office Space‘s Ron Livingston), Sue (Patrick Van Horn) and Charles (Alex Desert) all vie for various acting jobs and try to portray the cool of the Rat Pack at the same time. Mike, however, is still trying to get over his girlfriend dumping him six months prior. His friends rally around him to get him back in the game…with mixed results. Written with crackling dialogue, Swingers rewrote cool for the 90s.
The QF for Swingers is second only to one other film in my opinion. Here are plenty of examples as to why that is:
Mike: “You ever been to the Ha-Ha Hole?”
Trent: “Baby, we’re going to be up five hundy by midnight!”
Rob: “You better replace the pin, Chi-Chi. The natives look restless.”
Mike: “And it’s like I’m supposed to be all happy ’cause she’s wearing a backpack, you know?”
Trent: “Look, you take yourself out of the game, you start talking about puppy dogs and ice cream, of course its going to end up on the friendship tip.”
Mike: “Haven’t you seen Boyz in tha Hood? Now one of us is gonna get shot!”
Charles: “This place is dead anyway.”
Trent: “Hey! What’re you kicking me for? You want me to ask? All right, I’ll ask! Ma’am, where do the high school girls hang out in this town?”
Mike: “Well…we’re not in Kansas anymore…”
This is the scene of which my brother was speaking:
As soon as the organ music from Sega’s NHL ’94 started, I immediately was in tears because I knew what was coming. One of the best scenes in any movie. EVER. My cousin’s special ladyfriend even made this for me recently:
Trent: “Baby you are so money and don’t even know it.”
Here’s the trailer:
Trent is clearly the star of the show. He is responsible for probably 85% of all quoteworthy moments in the film. It’s a shame that Vaughan hasn’t been able to recapture the magic from this film in any of his others. Nonetheless, Swingers is one of the finest comedies of its day and will remain quotable for years to come.
And now the drum roll….
1. The Big Lebowski
Say what you want about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it’s an ethos.
So here it is – the Holy Grail of all quotable movies: The Coen Brothers‘ The Big Lebowski. For a film that did very modestly at the box office, especially in contrast with their prior release Fargo, The Big Lebowski has one of the biggest followings of any movie in history. Outside of sci-fi franchises like Star Wars and Star Trek, how many films have spawned their own yearly festival? Can’t be that many.
I doubt many don’t know what The BigLebowski is about, but for those of you who are not privy to all the new shit, here’s the story: Arguably the laziest man alive, Jeff Lebowski, more widely known as The Dude (Jeff Bridges), is confused for another Jeffrey Lebowski by a pair of thugs. The other Jeffrey Lebowski is a well respected businessman and millionaire whose wife owes the thugs’ boss, porn-king Jackie Treehorn (Ben Gazzara), money and they have come to collect mistaking The Dude for the rich Lebowski. After rolling his apartment and roughing The Dude up, Woo (Phillip Moon) pisses on the rug in The Dude’s living room, which really tied the room together. The Dude decides, after consulting his cohorts, the high strung Vietnam veteran Wlater Sobchak (John Goodman) and the more docile Donnie (Steve Buscemi), to approach the other Lebowski to be remunerated for the pissed-on rug in the case of mistaken identity. After being thrown out and taking a rug from the residence, The Big Lebowski and his toady Brandt (Philip Seymour Hoffman) call The Dude and ask him to help them find The Big Lebowski’s wife, Bunny (Tara Reid), as she’s been kidnapped. Hijinks, misunderstandings, accidents and interpretive dances occur as The Dude tries to figure out what really happened with Bunny and at the same time keep his johnson intact.
The QF for The Big Lebowski is immeasurable since nearly every line has probably been said in thousands of different situations in every corner of the world. The Coen Brothers have always been known for their incredible writing talent, but it’s clear that this is their greatest triumph…at least when it comes to being quoted. Many of their films could make this, but Lebowski is the one that rules them all.
There are so many quotes I’d like to list here, but I will drop only a small handful. Enjoy them:
The Dude: “Nice marmot.”
Walter: “Saturday, Donny, is Shabbos, the Jewish day of rest. That means that I don’t work, I don’t drive a car, I don’t fucking ride in a car, I don’t handle money, I don’t turn on the oven, and I sure as shit *don’t fucking roll*!
The Dude: “He thinks the carpet pissers did this?”
Walter: “Is this your homework, Larry?”
Bunny: “Uli doesn’t care about anything. He’s a nihilist. The Dude: “Ooh, that must be exhausting.”
The Dude: “Careful, man, there’s a beverage here!”
The Jesus (John Turturro): Let me tell you something, pendejo – you pull any of your crazy shit with us, you flash a piece out on the lanes, I’ll take it away from you and stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger ’til it goes Click!”
Walter: “Smokey – this is not ‘Nam, this is bowling. There are rules…”
The Dude: “Nothing is fucked here, man.”
Maude (Julianne Moore): “Don’t be fatuous, Jeffrey.”
The Dude: “How are you gonna keep ’em down on the farm once they’ve seen Karl Hungus?”
Donnie: “They were Nazis, Dude?” Walter: “Oh come on, Donnie – they were threatening castration. Are we gonna split hairs here?”
The Dude: “You mix a hell of a Caucasian, Jackie.”
Walter: “Oh, please, dear? For your information, the Supreme Court has roundly rejected prior restraint!”
Karl Hungus (Peter Stormare): “My name is Karl. Ich bin Expert.”
The Dude: “Mr. Treehorn treats objects like women, man.”
Walter: “Hell, I could get you a toe by 3 o’clock this afternoon…with nail polish.”
The Dude: “Well…that’s just, like uh, your opinion, man.”
Walter: “You are entering a world of pain.”
I could actually keep going on and on and on. The Big Lebowski is a cornucopia of quotations applicable in almost any situation (“This aggression will not stand, man!” and that is why it rests atop Quotable Mountain.
Here is the trailer:
If you have a Netflix account, you are blessed with being able to watch this film as many times as your heart desires as it’s available through their streaming service. And do so. It will make you a better person in the end.
So that wraps up the official list. Five great films, as quotable as any of the classics. Sally forth and quote away!
Below, I have listed three films that didn’t quite make the list, but have quote values that are still high.
Honorable Mentions
Fast Times at Ridgemont High
No shirt, no shoes, NO DICE!
This film covers the trials and tribulations of high school life in a California community. Written by Cameron Crowe, this is one of the more quotable 80s comedies. Jeff Spicoli (played by a young Sean Penn) is a quotable powerhouse: “This is U.S. History, I see the globe right there.” and “My dad’s a tv repairman. He has an ultimate set of tools. I can fix it.” are among his finest.
Here’s the trailer:
Menace II Society
You going to Jack in the Crack? Yo, hell yeah, hell yeah!
The only drama to appear on any part of this list, Menace II Society is a serious observation on the tough life of inner city kids living in the projects and the decisions that they have to make each day to survive. I saw this film when I was a senior in high school and equate it to hearing N.W.A.’s Straight Outta Compton for the first time. It opened an entire world to me of which was previously unknown. Unflinching in its portrayal, the dialogue was key to the understanding of the characters’ situations. “I had the dope ride, but I was sittin’ on some bullshit. I needed rims bad…and I knew just how to get ’em” So as people took to quoting The Godfather and Scarface, my friends and I took to quoting Menace.
Here’s the trailer:
Real Genius
There was what, no one at the mutant hamster races, we only had one entry into the Madame Curie look-alike contest and he was disqualified later. Why do I bother?
Real Genius would likely have been #6 on my most quotable films list. Val Kilmer plays one of the all-time best movie characters in super-genius Chris Knight, who takes super-nerd Mitch (Gabriel Jarret) under his wing as he arrives at Pacific Tech University after leaving high school early. They clash with Prof. Gerry Hathaway (William Atherton) and his toady Kent (Robert Prescott) while working on a secret project for the military. When they find out what they were working on, they decide to exact revenge with the help of all their brainy friends.
The QF of this film is extremely high. The Knight character just kills it:
“In the immortal words of Socrates…I drank what?”
“Was it a dream where you see yourself standing in sort of sun-god robes on a pyramid with a thousand naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at you?”
And then there is Prof. Hathaway’s all-time great quote: “You’re laborers, you’re supposed to be laboring. That’s what you get for not having an education.”
And last but not least, let’s not forget perhaps the best line of the film:
Susan Decker (Deborah Foreman): “Can you hammer a 6-inch spike through a board with your penis?” Chris: Not right now. Susan: A girl’s gotta have her standards…
An incredibly funny film chock full of quotable moments. It is another of the ’85er films, cementing it as the greatest year in quotable film.
Here is the trailer:
Everyone has their own list of these films. Watch them, enjoy them, pass them along to your friends. This is the great thing about watching movies – nearly everyone can relate to something in them.
Last night was the kickoff of the Indiana University Cinema’s Werner Herzog series In Search of Ecstatic Truth, which began with his documentary Fata Morgana, partly based on the Mayan/Guatemalan creation myth.This was a film that I had never seen before, and one thing you can certainly expect from Herzog’s early work is you never know what you are going to get. An introduction by IU Film and Media Studies PhD candidate James Paasche reveled that Herzog intended this film to be a “documentary” made by aliens of what they encountered here on Earth. If taken in that context, this film makes total sense. Outside of that, I could only ask myself – “What in the absolute hell have I just seen?” Trust me, this was par for the course at the near sellout crowd. Incredibly bizarre, brutal and yet thought provoking, Fata Morgana was a an experience I was very glad to have had in the theater. I wonder if Jon Favreau’s usage of Marty and Elayne in Swingers was a reference to the couple who performed in this film.
Rojo caliente!
After catching Burden of Dreams two weeks ago coupled with tonight’s screening, I’m primed and ready for Monday night’s screening of Aguirre, Wrath of God – Herzog’s undisputed masterpiece. He will be in attendance to introduce that screening and I expect no shortage of crazy that night. It is a shame, for most than just this, that Klaus Kinski is no longer with us. If he were still alive, we might get to witness the two of them try to kill each other on stage. Damn you heart attack for robbing me of the possibility!